It’s been a few years since you posted that … but my heart goes out to you. I now am in the same boat that you described. My husband has had this addiction since before we were married. I knew when we got married that he had looked and viewed pornography before, but I had no idea the extent of his addiction until a few years into our marriage. It has distanced me from him, and I must confess I am at a breaking point. I have cried, I have begged, I have prayed, I’ve threatened to leave, but it doesn’t seem to do any good. he finally did download X3 and it has been working – for a while. He came to me earlier saying he is being tempted. And though I appreciate his honesty with me, he tells me he WANTS to stop this… (other than him downloading X3) I see no improvement in him. The moment he is faced with an opportunity he jumps on it without a moments hesitation.
How am I, as a wife, suppose to help him through this? I hope you and your husband got through this and if so, how did you continue being that support to him? How do I not distance myself from him to keep from being hurt? When you said that the wife is in the kitchen while the husband is in a locked room just gripped me as I know first-hand the numbness, the sadness, and the anger it sends through a wife’s body. I know the Bible says we are to forgive and go on… but how?? When it is a repeated thing?
My husband told me instead of watching porn he is now turning to looking at images (and he is curious to see if X3 is going to pick it up) He is trying to find a loophole. Trying to find a way out. His tears no longer mean anything to me when he says he is trying to quit, because I don’t see him trying … not really. Which is what lead me to this site, I was looking to see if there really was a way for him to get around it, and what I am to expect.
I’m sending a prayer up for you … even though it’s been a few years since your post. I hope your marriage is safe, sound, and protected now.
God bless

James 1:5-8 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

1 John 5:14-15 14 Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. 15 And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5 not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God;

John 16:23 “And in that day you will ask Me nothing. Most assuredly, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you.

Mark 11:23-25 23 For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says. 24 Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.

grace, paul

PS. thanks for letting me share…

To the next person: you know that you don’t want to get around it either, so don’t try. The less you know about how the software works, the better it will work for you. So don’t inquire into it and assume that it will report whatever stupid things you try to do. That way you will never have anything to explain away again.

The real problem: Not “porn addiction” at all (or an “addictive personality”), but lust. Install x3 watch and someone will install Linux. Cut off one hand, the other will pitch in. Gauge out one eye, the other one will gawk just as quickly. Go the whole way and even a blind, handless, castrated guy can still lust. As Paul said, “it lacks value for satiating the flesh.” In other words, try as we might, we can’t get around the injunction to “mortify the flesh”. If there’s a way around, the flesh will find it.

The real solution: As men of God we have to do the ugly and go against nature: You’ve heard it said, “Just because I’m married doesn’t mean I can’t look at the menu.” But the Lord would say to you, “Not only must you not look at the menu anymore, but you must throw it away, despising everything else on it except for the WONDERFUL meal I’ve prepared for you.”

The flesh protests: “Well I’m not BLIND! What am I supposed to pretend I’m blind?” Yes. A prize fighter was once a nobody who knew nothing of how to fight. He enters into the hard discipline–that of a world telling him he can’t do it, that there is no hope, that he isn’t a prize fighter. He focuses NOT on the present unrealities, but on the future HOPE. And one day, through much toil, blood, sweat and tears, the referee holds his arm high and declares him the winner.

He does it for a trophy no one but he will remember. WE fight for a trophy we will eventually cast down at the feet of Him who loved us and gave Himself for us, declaring, “YOU are worthy! YOU are worthy! YOU are worthy!”, to which He will say to us, “Well done, good and faithful servants….”

And we can take heart: ANY temptation presented to us is not too heavy for us. We have His faithful promise. So when the going gets tough, remember the weight lifter who must constantly lift heavier weights to get stronger. The Lord is adding weight, telling you, “C’MON MAN! LIFT! YOU CAN DO IT! LIFT! LIFT! YES! GO! GO! GO! LIFT! PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!” And if we fail, He is gracious. He’ll give up far later than we do. (The enemy, of course, is allowed in the weight room. He’s the guy over there thinking out loud, “He’s gonna lose it. I’ve seen it before.” And if we fail: “See? Told ya. Why does he even have a gym membership?” THAT’S the voice we must tune out and focus, instead, on HIS VOICE that says He believes in us).

Be strong in Him and of GOOD courage!

It’s been far too long that I’ve talked about stopping and just continued screwing up.

I hate perv/club/douche guys, yet behind this nice facade I’m just like them. I may not act like it in public but behind closed doors my heart is withering.

Women are fantastic, but only because God made them fantastic. Thus they should be treated as such.

Don’t say it’s because we are Men, when we act like dogs. It’s not my nature, I wont give up, I will fight this and hate it with all my heart and know that my Lord is with me.

Keep your stick on the Ice.

-Tito